The End
by panda-sensei
Summary: It was on days like this, that he truly appreciated just how beautiful life was. Sasuke, Suicide, Self-Mutilation mention, Hinted unrequited SasuNaru. Angsty. Threeshot, AU, Drabble. :3 Complete.
1. Sasuke

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**.:T**he **E**nd**:.**

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I do not own Naruto.

Suicidal theme, mention of self mutilation.

You have been warned.

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Sitting there, then, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.

Or perhaps it did. He wasn't quite sure what made him feel quite so sad about deciding it. It was his fate; his destiny. _Control thy destiny_.

The salt stung his eyes as he began to shake; blubbering pathetically as he sat there, contemplating, wondering. Forehead creased; lips trembling. _Pathetic to the very end._

He had never been quite sure why the dark clouds picked him; why it was always raining, always _winter in a summer town_. It had started with the frowns; disappointment, as ever; nothing there to quell the emptiness growing inside of him. That emptiness, that slowly dissolved everything that was ever _him_ and left him a hollow shell; bleeding his troubles out whenever he felt pathetic enough to give in. How pathetic.

As he sat, he wondered if he would be missed. He wondered if the red-head he had met the other day would remember him, and wonder what could have been; he wondered if the upbeat blonde would mourn, finally breaking down after so long. He wondered of his family; his parents, ever present, but unable to stop him as his destructiveness snowballed. So good at hiding it, now, that not even _they_ noticed as his world turned to ashes. They, who had known him all his life; who were trying to help, make him see people who would 'help' him; they who had ultimately failed him. They, who could not even notice as their only son cried alone, mind tainted and shadowed as the snow fell nearby.

He could always hear them _laughing_. He hated laughter. Selfishly, perhaps; but why not? Detest, what thou cannot have. Do unto others as they do unto you. Laughter made him feel like crap. Everyone else was always _so _happy. They made him miserable; never tried, never asked; so he, in turn, never bothered with them.

Towards the end, he grew so tired he could barely be bothered to leave the warmth of his bed; though he could not feel much anymore. No emotion, no heat nor cold, no pain. Pain, his most trusted resource, had ultimately betrayed him. The flesh no longer yielded satisfaction.

He stared blankly at the wall facing him; loathing it, as it mocked him. The television was blaring downstairs; he could hear muffled voices from its speakers below his room. His parents were awake still; it would have to wait.

The tears on his face no longer prompted sobs; he let his eyes bleed the liquid silently as all feeling once again left him. He wasn't really there, of course; he could have been floating, millions of miles away from this _body_, for all he could feel.

He thought of those that had known him for who he once was. Of course; none of them knew him now; that Sasuke was long gone. He had died, the moment he brought the blood to his skin himself; the moment he had embraced pain as his saviour; his Emmanuel. He wondered if they would miss him. He wondered, if _they _would wonder. Perhaps, they would think, like him, about what _could _have been. How he might have grown up, fallen in love, raised a family; but in reality, Sasuke knew that none of that would happen. He decided at the age of twelve that he never wanted to grow up; determined that he would end it all, at the very latest at thirty. Eternal youth, huh.

He pulled out his notebook; the one that he had received last Christmas. It had been a gift; arriving in his stocking, the family tradition that he and his sister followed. He had written in it once; a couple of pages of pure angst pouring from him as he wallowed in his own self-pity. Taking the lid from his pen, he began to write. He felt truly guilty as the words spilled onto the paper; none of them deserved this; he just couldn't go on like this anymore.

He heard the television downstairs turn off, and footsteps climbing the stairs heavily. He wiped his face with the back of his sleeve and continued writing his farewell; even as his mother poked her head round his bedroom door.

"Sleep, Sasuke. Turn your computer off."

He simply smiled at her, the fake expression plastered to his face.

"I will, don't worry; I'm just finishing my English essay, mum."

She nodded.

"Don't be too long, okay?" She smiled at him. "Night."

"I love you." He blurted out, and she looked surprised.

"I love you too, Sasuke." And then she left.

Sasuke couldn't help feeling hurt. Set on his decision now, he carried on writing. He ignored his father as he entered the same room Sasuke's mother had entered. He didn't need to say anything.

The next couple of hours went painfully slowly; he needed to wait until they were properly asleep. Going downstairs for water was fair enough, but being down there for the length of time he was going to need...not so subtle. His parents were 'on guard' against him trying to end it all; the result of his foolish previous attempt. Everything was 'gone'. He wasn't stupid, and had found where most of the items had been hidden. Some in a bedroom drawer, a collage bag, the back of two cupboards, some on the side...and then, of course, there was always the liquid forms. Why they hadn't hidden them, he had no idea. _Idiots_. _If I were my son, I'd have gotten rid of __**everything**__. Sod being ill; there were other issues_.

He finally crept downstairs at 3:00am, trying to make as little noise as possible. He cringed inside as the kitchen door creaked loudly upon being opened; and worried as the light made a loud noise as it started up. He hovered there, one foot in midair as he tried to work out whether he had awoken anyone; a large snore from above answered his question. _So far, so good._

He opened the cupboard, and took down a bottle he knew nobody would check. _Fluoxetine_. From what he had researched; pretty damn near impossible to overdose on, but it couldn't help towards his total. The liquid was a strong mint flavour; absolutely vile and stung his mouth and throat, but he downed about half of the bottle. He then proceeded to take one pill out of every packet of anything in the cupboard, finally slowing his intake at the paracetamol.

_Ahhh, paracetamol. My old friend._

He took the package from the back of the cupboard; _not so well hidden, mother._ He took an entire sheet of the pills out from the box, and swallowed every single one he had removed. Returning the sheet to the box, he put the box back in its 'hiding' place. And promptly went to find the next box.

He had no idea how many he'd taken by the time he stopped; but his throat felt funny after dry-swallowing so many small, hard objects and he felt faintly nauseous. He calmly walked upstairs and went to bed, as though nothing had happened.

He felt awful the next morning. Sick to the bones. He wondered, slightly bemused, slightly annoyed why he wasn't dead. He had hoped that by taking lots, it would kill him quicker; evidently, not so.

He vaguely hoped his mother didn't get a headache anytime in the hours, or perhaps days that were to follow before his final farewell.

He wanted to be able to wave the world off on his own accord; and he didn't want to wind up in hospital with his stomach being pumped.

He left the house, feeling at peace, having accepted his near future. It was sunny, and the birds were chirping as he walked to his bus stop, a cool breeze blowing through his soft black hair. It was on days like this, that he truly appreciated just how beautiful life was.

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	2. Farewell

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**.:T**he **E**nd**:.**

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_I suppose, I'll write this now. I'm fairly set on this; I doubt I'll fail, so I'm leaving you this as my farewell. You'll probably never find this, but if you do, and I'm gone, I'm sorry to all of you, every last person. Right now, I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of being fake and pathetic, I'm tired of lying, and I'm tired of crying. _

_I suppose, a little part of me hopes I will fail at this; hopes that one of you will find me and stop me; end this madness, but I'm so tired of this all that I don't care anymore._

_It's surprising how calm I am about this. I thought it would be much more difficult._

_I don't want anyone to be sad. I wish, for everyone to be free of the shadow I cast. I'm a weak person; I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is the most selfish decision I have made in my entire life; I can only hope that you will all forgive me my weaknesses._

_I regret that I won't see the end; I won't see you all get old, I won't see how my life was going to play out, and I won't be able to spend those precious moments with any of you again. None of you have failed; don't ever think that. I have failed myself._

_I love you all, and I am not going to drag this out any longer than is needed. I will not prolong your suffering, only ask that you will forget me; live your lives, ever day as if it is your last. I will always be with you; watching over you all, and can only hope, that death will be welcoming as I embrace it._

_I apologize for everything. Please live out the happy, fulfilling lives I know you can; live them out for me, as I cannot live my own._

_And to Kitsune – you know who you are – I've always wanted to tell you how beautiful you are. I guess I just never had the guts._

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	3. Naruto

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**.:T**he **E**nd**:.**

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Three days.

It took him three days to finally die. When his body finally gave up, he was barely recognisable. We barely even noticed anything was wrong.

He said, when I asked him why he was grimacing, that he felt sick and his stomach hurt. I thought nothing of it; I mean, this is _school_. Illnesses get passed around like there's no tomorrow. I guess, in his case, there _was _no tomorrow.

The next time I saw him, he looked kind of yellow. He was barely listening to anything anyone was saying, and his eyes kept darting around like there was something he could see that we couldn't. Perhaps there was. Nobody worried, of course; it was just a trick of the light, maybe a vitamin deficiency. Nothing serious.

It got to the third day, and he was still complaining that his stomach was hurting. He was paying attention even less, and there was something wrong with his skin. It looked like he was leaking fluid under it or something; it looked disgusting. I'd known for a while that he hurt himself; one of the wounds on his arm sprung open; it wouldn't stop bleeding. Normally, it'd clot and scab or something; but it just kept on leaking.

Soon after that, he started crying and holding his stomach. I don't know if he even listened to us as we tried to speak to him; I don't think he even knew we were talking. He didn't hear the last words we spoke to him. He collapsed soon after and was rushed to hospital.

It wasn't until much later that they finally worked out what had happened. He had had an acute liver failure due to a paracetamol overdose. I looked it up later that very same day. He must have been in agony.

I didn't cry. I went to see him, right after he died, just to see him one last time. He was still beautiful, even after death had claimed him. I was slightly jealous. I had wanted him for a long time. I never told him, of course.

Everyone was around him, just standing there, crying. I must have seemed like a real heartless twat, then; I just stood there, and I don't know how much later it was, but I started laughing. I was in hysterics, crying out to people that I didn't know that he wasn't dead; of course he wasn't. It was just an elaborate joke; he'd sit up in a moment and laugh at all of us for believing him.

I guess I started really upsetting people, because someone told the hospital staff and tried to get me removed; I broke down and finally cried. I couldn't believe that he would be so selfish. Sasuke wouldn't do something like that; not the Sasuke I knew.

His parents blamed themselves, of course. It was all the 'should have seen it coming' and 'I should have gotten rid of the temptation!' ie pills etc. This didn't help, of course, and I just felt completely helpless.

Why hadn't I talked to him more often? Asked him how his day was, how he felt? Why didn't I do anything? I could have stopped him, told some joke, called him a bastard, and maybe he'd have called me an idiot back, and we'd walk off together, laughing...

They found his note a few days later. From what I heard, his mother was in hysterics, tearing through his room trying to find him, or some confirmation that he was really dead. She read the note, and was taken to hospital later that day. She slashed her wrists; see how much they cared, Sasuke?

I went to see how she was; I was missing you so much, so how awful must it have been for her? We talked a lot, that day, mostly about you. Some of the stuff we talked about was happy memories; how wonderful you'd been, such a gift; and some of it was darker stuff. We both cried, a lot. We both blamed ourselves. I didn't see your dad; your sister told me he was trying to drown himself in alcohol. She wants to know why you did it – she misses you. She wishes she'd talked to you more, too. We're all blaming ourselves, but none of us really know why you did it.

She gave me the note a few days after I first went to see her – your mother, I mean. She and I connected, I think. She wanted, I think, for me to not feel as bad, which is why she gave it to me. Your note broke my heart, you know.

I wish I'd told you I loved you. Still do, in fact. It's not fair, that I never got that chance. I've always thought you were beautiful; ever since that day we first met in the nursery. Do you remember that day? Gaara, he was so little then too, threw sand all over you from the sandbox, and I 'rescued' you. You affected him, too. No-one saw him for about a week after you left. I, for one, was worried that he'd tried to take the same route you took; the same route your mother tried to take. I can only hope that I wasn't the only one who noticed his absence.

I still see you. Everywhere. I walk past mirrors, and I see you reflected there, standing behind me. I see you darting round corners, I see you hiding behind objects, and I see you in every person that I come across. I miss you so much. I never told you just how much you meant to me.

I wish we'd talked about how you felt. I really do. I wish you'd have trusted me more. I wish I'd have realised that you weren't ignoring me; you just couldn't be bothered with anything anymore. I could have helped you; I could have saved you. I didn't.

I wonder what finally did it. What finally pushed you over the edge. I hope to god it wasn't me. I really do.

People say, that when you lose someone, your world ends. They're wrong. Your world doesn't end; it repeatedly explodes, burns and shatters. You can't sleep, eat, or do anything. I'm not hungry right now, and I haven't eaten in at least five days. I can't feel anything. Just sorrow. I miss you so much.

I suppose, that's why I'm here now. Gaara's dead. I didn't even know you two were that close; I guess your death was what finally pushed him. His dad died recently too, you know. He didn't care; if anything, he was happy. His dad was really violent; horrible to him. After you died, he just vanished. It turned out he'd drowned himself. I don't think anyone ever told him they loved him in his entire life. I think he loved you too; just like me.

Everyone's gone. Everyone that I cared about, taken away. I suppose I could blame you, but I just can't bring myself to. I blame myself. It is all my fault.

I hope that you two are in a happier place.

I can't stand being on my own for the rest of my life. If we don't meet again soon, I want you to know that I have always loved you. I loved Gaara, too. You affected everyone so deeply. I hope you know how much you hurt us; but I also hope that you don't. I genuinely hope you're happy, and I hope I can see you again, one last time.

I'm not leaving a note. There is nobody left to read it. Your mother has been restrained for her own good. I don't know what has become of your father.

I can hear the train coming. I'm kind of worried. I'm by the side of the railway, just waiting.

I really hope I get to see you both.

Because this is it.

This is the end.

I just hope you know, just how much I cared.

I love you, and always will.

This is the end.

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panda-sensei ~


End file.
